Lemons vs. Barca-Loners

Lemons Lament Late Late Late Loss

And so to Barca-Loners. Following on from the 15-0 drubbing/pasting/embarrassingly easy victory over the talentless Weirdo Wanderers, the Lemons came into the game against the Loners brimming with confidence. Morale was boosted futher as the Lemons won a funny name-off prior to the match, easily beating every other team that has ever played any sport. Ever. Although not an official title and hardly internationally renowned (i.e. I just made it up to fill space) the news buoyed the spirits in the camp during the obligatory warm up. In other made up events, Mattinson won a hi-tempo dance-off. But being the only participant, success was inevitable. So....................well done on an achievement you didn't achieve.

The ususal drop out rate was sadly lacking from the pre-match build up, making Kings job far too easy. The only absentee/amputee was Catling who was called in to work. Apparently it's hard to find good quality cockle pickers these days. Seems strange...................many people have made good careers out of it. Plus you get to work at the seaside all day. Potential bucket and spade fun to be had. Playing in place of Catling was Jake, making his fourth start. The Lemons also welcomed back Tom and Fenwick after their joint pilgrimage to Mecca. 

Starting for the Lemons was King in goal, Jones and Mattinson in defence, Gench and Fenwick in midfield and Kearney up front. 

Within seconds the Loners displayed the sort of play that had guided them to second place in the league, with some neat passing leading to a shot which left King beaten but luckily for the Lemons the ball rebounded off the post and back into play. 

Actually showing some form of footballing knowledge for a change, the Lemons kept the game tight, with players actually keeping to positions and playing intelligent balls to each other. After Kearney was kicked/pulled/shoved/caresssed to the right of the Loners box, the referee rightly awarded a free kick in favour of the Lemons. The big guns arrived from the back attempting to use their height to cause problems. As it turned out their presence was entirely unnecessary as Gench smashed the ball with all his might across the face of the box for the (allegedly) smallest man on the pitch, Jones, to elaborately and brilliantly backheel in from a few feet out in a Zola-esque fashion. 1-0

As has become the case, the Lemons became scared of their lead and after a few minutes with nothing of any significance happening, the Loners squared things up withh some fella capitalising on lax defending to curl a shot high into the top corner past the unsighted King. 1-1

The Lemons promptly began a mini revival with another goal coming from the unlikely source of Jones who increased his goal output for the season by 340% with a long range strike which didn't spin, dip, curl, wobble or even move very much on its painstakingly slow trip to the goal. However something about the shot decieved the keeper who decided that instead of saving the shot, he'd gently push it into the net. Brilliant. However after crediting Jones with a goal he didn't score last week, this one goes down as an own goal.  2-1

 
In this see-saw, swings and roundabouts, climbing frame game, the Loners once again drew level via the penalty spot after Tom showed great agility to palm the ball round the post. Just a shame he wasn't in goal. The penalty was dispatched with aplomb just inside the left hand post 2-2

The remainder of the half was played out in committed circumstances, with both teams refusing to shirk challenges leading to a number of massive tackles from both teams. Bloodied, bruised, battered but not broken the Lemons ended the half on top and threatening more goals.

Half Time 2-2


After a strangely passionate and (a)rousing half time talk, the Lemons set out with a renewed sense of vigor. Without creating many chances, the Lemons found themselves in front for the third time, with a textbook goal. Just outside his own box and under pressure from the Loners strikers, Gench used his Spidey-sense to quickly calculate that the Loners keeper was rubbish. He launched the ball high into the night sky, giving the Loners keeper ample time to wave at it before it landed into the back of the net. Fluke?? Brilliance?? Exemplary goalkeeping?? Who knows?? The only fact was that the Lemons had restored their lead. 3-2

The spirited Loners refused to buckle under the pressure and the handicap they faced due to the fact that their goalkeeper was on day release from the school for 'special boys and girls'  to draw level for the thrid time, this time their striker shooting across King after working himself into space. 3-3

After the third goal went in the Lemons tried to self destruct, giving away 36 fouls around their own box according to inaccurate statistics. Despite the presence of a wall, the Loners striker somehow managed to get every shot on target, forcing King to make a few smart saves before Kearney produced a stunning goalline clearance from a shot which was destined for the back of the net. The Loners didn't have things all their own way as the Lemons tried in vain to beat the suspect keeper, with Tom and Kearney registering valid attempts on goal. 

However with the whistle happy referee's footballing knowledge equalling my knowledge of the Nolan Sisters (i.e. not very much) and his insistence to give away free kicks for fun it was only a matter of time until he let  the Loners pressure pay off. Another free kick on the edge of the Lemons box took a deflection off the wall and landed at the feet of Emile Heskeys fatter, less talented half-brother who, unlike his relative, scored after throwing Gench to the floor with a Power Slam. 3-4

As soon as the ball crossed the line, the final whistle went as did the Lemons hopes of reaching the playoffs. With another 2 games to play, the Lemons can still qualify but it will take a miracle of Jesus proportions for that to happen.

Final Score 3-4


Player Ratings

Dave King - 6 - Should have dealt with a few of the Loners goals but made saves at cruical times in the game.
Indy Andy Jones - 9 (Man Of The Match) - An all-action performance from Jones capped with a strike of rare quality as well as one of slightly less quality. They all count though.
Charlie Mattinson - 7 - Quieter performance this week after his 4 goal bonanza last week but still made an impact in what was a fine Lemons performance.
Jake - 6 - Looked a little lost this week as the challenges flew in. Played his part though and showed a number of good touches.
Matt Gench - 8 - Another fine performance topped off with a 'Did he mean it?' goal. Personally I think he did mean it.
Adam Fenwick - 7 - Always full of running although had no opportunity to smash the ball home from close range this week.
Tom - 7 - Committed performance, constantly driving the Lemons on. didn't let his head drop after giving away one of the most obvious penalties ever seen.
Simon Kearney - 9 - Toss up between Kearney and Jones for the MoM award this week. Despite not scoring, Kearney put in a storming preformance.